For some people, the holiday season is like Buddy the Elf discovering a new syrup flavor for his spaghetti – pure, uncontainable joy and a sprinkle of anticipation that makes everything a bit sweeter.
But for others, not so much. This time of year can feel like a big dose of STRESS! You know the drill…between juggling work, family, hosting friends, and the ever-growing to-do list, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by holiday chaos. That’s where I come in—your trusty guide to finding a little Zen amid the festive frenzy.
So, grab a cozy blanket, maybe a cup of cocoa (with extra marshmallows, of course!), and let’s chat about why the “most wonderful time of the year” tends to bring out our inner perfectionism and how we can try to LET GO of unrealistic expectations.
Understanding the Perfect (Snow) Storm of the Holidays
Perfectionism during the holidays is not just about having a flawlessly decorated tree or a magazine-worthy feast. It’s the silent pressure we put on ourselves to make every moment, every dish, every decoration, a sparkling gem of perfection. And the driving force behind holiday perfectionism is rarely selfish. Typically, it’s because we want to provide the “perfect” holiday for those we love and celebrate with.
But instead of savoring the festive season as a time for joy and togetherness, pursuing perfection creates feelings of inadequacy and overwhelm. For some, the fear of things going wrong, like a favorite dish missing or decorations falling short, can trigger distress. Some may fear disappointing others or being judged.
This anxiety leads to constant “what if” thoughts, causing tension and a rush to prevent imagined scenarios. Some people even experience physical symptoms like heart palpitations or nausea.
The pressure to create Pinterest-worthy decorations or the constant worry about everyone else’s happiness can leave us feeling drained, anxious, and dare I say it, a bit Grinch-like.
Signs of Holiday Perfectionism
Wanting to create the best experiences for your loved ones during this time is natural. But for those with perfectionism and people-pleasing tendencies, how do you know when your desire to create the best possible holiday is having a negative impact?
Holiday perfectionism can manifest in many ways, but here are a few examples:
- Searching for Perfect Gifts: You find yourself insisting on every gift being “the best,” whether meticulously crafted or extensively sought online. The pursuit becomes joyless, and the act of giving, intended to bring happiness, transforms into a burdensome task.
- Creating “Flawless” Greeting Cards: You strive for flawless holiday cards, investing days in creating detailed letters and personalized notes for everyone. The process becomes stressful, leading to deviations from the initial plan and self-criticism.
- Spending All Day on Holiday Meals: You spend the entire day in the kitchen, refusing assistance from loved ones, driven by the need to impress and satisfy everyone.
- Procrastinating or Avoiding Daily Tasks: You become preoccupied with the role of being the “perfect host” and neglect other aspects of daily life.
So, what can we do?
5 Tips for Managing Holiday Perfectionism
Ever heard the phrase, “Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it?” That’s the mindset shift we aim for during the holidays. Finding ways to lessen holiday stress and perfectionism can help you feel much lighter and, hopefully, get a taste of that famous holiday cheer everyone seems to love so much.
But if you’re unsure where to start, here are a few tips for making the holidays a bit more Zen.
#1 – Look Inward
First things first, get to know your inner perfectionist; don’t pretend it’s not there. Tune into how you’re thinking during the holidays. What’s your inner voice telling you?
If you catch yourself sweating over meeting crazy high standards to please everyone or self-criticism emerges when things don’t go according to plan, bingo: that’s holiday perfectionism. When negative self-talk starts creeping in, challenge it.
#2 – Consider Others
Consider how your vibe—stressed or happy—affects the joy of others. If you’re immersed in finding the “perfect” gift or cooking a Michelin-worthy meal, those around you may start to feel the impact of your stress.
Try to embrace the magic of spending time with your loved ones over chasing elusive perfection or worrying about what people might think. Easier said than done, I know. But if you give it an honest try, I have a feeling both you and your family will be grateful for it.
#3 – Befriend Imperfection
Next, let’s try embracing the idea of being “perfectly imperfect.” Think Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree – not perfect, but so darn special. Give yourself permission to do things a bit wonky sometimes! Take shortcuts, aim for mostly awesome, and see how it feels.
It takes a bit of practice, but when we let go of the need for everything to be flawless, we open the door to genuine connections, spontaneous laughter, and the kind of memories that warm our hearts on the coldest nights.
#4 – Set Goals
Now, I want you to imagine trying to fit a giant inflatable snowman into a tiny two-door car. It’s just NOT going to work, right? The same goes for our holiday expectations. We need to make sure they’re not just festive but REALISTIC.
How about aiming for a cozy movie night with the family instead of attempting a five-course feast? Or choose one or two decorations that bring you joy instead of turning your home into a winter wonderland overnight?
By setting achievable goals, we’re not just making the holidays more manageable; we’re creating space for joy, laughter, and maybe even a little impromptu dance party. There’s incredible power in letting go of the reins and enjoying the moment.
#5 – Seek Support
If it’s getting a bit too overwhelming, chat it out with a friend or family member. You can also consider reaching out to a pro who’s got evidence-based tricks up their sleeve.
Ever heard of cognitive behavioral therapy? It’s all about swapping out those negative thoughts for positive ones, and it can be a game-changer for kicking holiday perfectionism to the curb.
Embrace the Gift of Joyful Imperfection this Holiday Season
As the holiday season unfolds, let’s gift ourselves a little bit of kindness, wrap it up with joy, and experience a holiday season filled with warmth, love, and a dash of fearless imperfection.
And remember, you don’t have to do it alone. If you want some extra support setting the perfectionism aside, I’m here to help you embrace your inner Zen while unleashing your playful spirit within.
Keywords: Perfectionism; Unrealistic Expectations; Managing Stress; Letting Go; Self-Care
Hey, y’all! I’m Kelly…
I like to keep it real here, but I also strive to keep it playful and uplifting. I’m a Texas-based therapist (LPC) and offer virtual therapy for Texas residents. If you cope with anxiety, have a fierce inner critic, or are a do-it-all gal who struggles with balancing it ALL, I am here for You! Contact me now to schedule your free 15-minute intro call, or learn more about me here.
