The holidays are upon us, and this means most of us are gearing up for a season of hosting and socializing with our favorite people. Despite the excitement this time of year can bring, it comes with its own set of challenges. I’m talking deep cleaning, prep, shopping, and cooking… Need I say more?
For those who suffer from perfectionism or the desire to please everyone, this time of year can bring about a lot of anxiety. You might be facing pressure to host, preparing to see family members that conjure up some tough feelings, or wondering if you’re going to be spreading yourself too thin to even enjoy the season. If you find yourself in this boat, know that you’re not alone. Read on to learn more about why we struggle with these feelings and how we can effectively overcome them so that we can make the most of this wonderful time of year.
Navigating Common Holiday Boundaries
Holiday stress has a particularly large effect on women; much more so than men. From being in charge of the prep and execution of the holidays, they also struggle to relax and enjoy the fruits of their labor. There are quite a few different reasons that this phenomenon happens, including:
The Pressure to Please
The holiday season often magnifies the pressure to be the perfect hostess, mother, partner, and friend. Many women who struggle with people-pleasing tendencies find it challenging to say ‘no’ to additional commitments or requests. They’re afraid of disappointing others, and this fear leads to overextending themselves, which ends up resulting in burnout and anxiety.
Setting boundaries isn’t a selfish act, contrary to what we’ve been made to believe. It’s an act of self-care and preservation, and it allows you to show up as your best self for those you care about. Below are some strategies to help you set healthy boundaries and confidently say ‘no’ this season:
Self-awareness: Understand your own limits and priorities. Recognize that you cannot do it all, and that’s perfectly okay. Knowing your boundaries is the first step in defending them.
Practice assertiveness: I get it, it’s uncomfortable. But it’s so important to communicate your boundaries. You can do this assertively, while still saying it kindly. Don’t be afraid to practice this skill so you can confidently assert your boundaries, sans the guilt.
Delegate and ask for help: You don’t have to carry the entire holiday load on your own, regardless of your role in the home. Delegate tasks and ask for help from those that you feel most comfortable with. This can end up being a bonus lesson in sharing responsibilities and creating a more balanced family dynamic.
In Fact…
Data shows that women continue to bear a disproportionate amount of the mental load, particularly in households where both partners work outside the home. Women reported that they were more likely to manage and worry about the details of daily life, like children’s schedules and household tasks. This added mental load takes a toll during any old time of year but tends to be far worse once the holidays hit.
Letting Go of Control
Women who struggle with high-functioning anxiety often find it challenging to let go of control during the holiday season. They want everything to be perfect, and this desire for control can lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Learning to let go of some control is a vital aspect of setting boundaries and reducing your mental load.
Here’s how you can start letting go:
Work on communicating: While it might be all too tempting to keep your feelings bottled up, letting your partner or close family members know that you are overwhelmed is incredibly important. When you don’t communicate your feelings, you risk a build-up of resentment and frustration that can result in an unwanted outburst. Instead, face it head-on and let them in on what you’re struggling with the most.
Reevaluate your expectations: The perfect holiday doesn’t mean everything must be flawless or otherwise it’s ruined. Social media has a way of painting a picture that is entirely unrealistic, so remain conscious of this. Reevaluate your expectations and focus on what truly matters: spending quality time with the people you love.
Set limits: Determine how much you can realistically handle and set limits on commitments, especially if you find yourself dreading them. Learn to get comfortable saying ‘no’ to events that exceed your capacity.
Learn to trust: Allow others to take on responsibilities and trust that they can handle them without your oversight. Sure, it may not be done exactly your way, but it can be done well enough and can take some of the load off your metaphorical plate.
Accept imperfection: Embrace imperfection as a part of the holiday season. The most memorable moments are often the unplanned, imperfect ones.
To Wrap It All Up..
The holidays don’t have to be a headache, even for us people pleasers out there. Setting healthy boundaries might sound scary at first, but with practice, it can become second nature. In doing so, you might just find that you begin to look forward to the season rather than fretting or dreading it. Remember: boundaries aren’t selfish, they’re self-care. Happy Holidays!
Keywords: Healthy boundaries; Saying No; Mental load; Boundaries
References:
https://www.bls.gov/news.release/atus2.t01.htm
https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2006/12/holiday-stress.pdf
Hey, y’all! I’m Kelly…
I like to keep it real here, but I also strive to keep it playful and uplifting. I’m a Texas-based therapist (LPC) and offer virtual therapy for Texas residents. If you cope with anxiety, have a fierce inner critic, or are a do-it-all gal who struggles with balancing everything, I am here for You! Contact me now to schedule your free 15-minute intro call, or subscribe to keep in touch and get mindful wisdom and freebies delivered straight to your inbox. Learn more about me here.
